Suadade (ZaDr)
by TheBestInvader
Summary: Zim has loved one word in particular ever since he learned its definition. One day he gets an invitation that will teach him the true meaning of the word and turn his world upside down.


Suadade- love and longing for something that is missing.

He had never been much of a romantic -in fact, sometimes he doubted if he even possessed the ability to have those kinds of emotions- but that word seemed so oddly fitting for him. Suadade. Human words always confused him. Sure, it was fairly similar to how Irkens spoke, but on Earth they had strange names for things, especially emotions. _Nostalgia. Sonder. Indifference._ Humans had a name for almost everything, but he believed that that one word described how felt the best. If you stripped him of his pride, wrath, and insecurities, then that would be the emotion that makes up the entirety of Zim's existence. Yes, that was what he felt for many things, but he never expected to feel it on the day of his enemy's funeral.

Rain fell from the gray clouds in large, heavy drops all around him. He felt them hit his black umbrella and slide off, falling to the wet grass with the soft_ pitter-patter_ sound he loathed. He cursed the cliché scenery and stared at the ground in front of him, utterly disgusted as he read the words carved into the tombstone. _Here lies Dib Membrane._ He felt like he was going to be sick.

Earlier, he overheard some people talking at the burial while he was hiding in the brush, spying on them. There weren't many people there; only about ten or twelve, he counted. There were all formally dressed in dark clothing. Dib was nowhere to be found, yet they all spoke about him. Why? What had he done to draw their attention? Why were they praising him and speaking so dearly about him when he wasn't there to hear it? And most importantly, why couldn't Zim see him anywhere? Gaz was the one that slipped the black envelop under his door a few days ago. Inside there was a letter stating that he was invited to go to a burial of some sort and assumed that was the reason Dib hadn't been at school- he was helping to prepare for it. Yet here he was, confused and skeptical because he didn't know how funerals worked.

He sat there for a long time, brainstorming what might be happening and why everyone seemed so sullen. He didn't find out until Dib's father, Professor Membrane, stood up to say a few words for his kin. He zoned out at te beginning, but a few minutes into the speech he focused his attention on to what was being said.

"...now, I know that nothing good lasts forever. If there was a way I could bring back my boy, I would do it in a heartbeat. After spending these last few nights doing everything I can to find a way to see him again, I learned that you can't undo the inevitable. Never have I ever thought that one day my son would be torn away from me like that-" he audibly stifled a sob before continuing in a shaky voice, "he never should've died like that. He deserved so much better than what this world had given him. If only I could see him one more time so I can just tell him how much I love him..." he broke down, unable to finish.

Time froze and his head went blank. _Dib-thing is dead...? _He was in disbelief. He should've been happy about that. He should've went home and celebrated his greatest victory. The one thing that stood in his way of completing his mission was gone, so why didn't it spark joy?

Hours passed. Everybody went home after bidding the boy farewell one last time. They left flowers, pictures, small gifts and kind words for him and his family. Pretty soon, Zim was the only one there.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity while he tried to accept reality. Why did he have to leave his life behind so suddenly? It happened much too soon.

He started shaking and his breathing hitched. _He_ should've been the one who took him out._ He_ should've been with him in his last moments. _He_ should've caught on and stopped Dib from taking his own life, but he didn't. He should've done many things and the fact that he hadn't was driving him insane.

He fell to his knees in front of Dib's resting place, shaking. Tears fell freely from his ruby eyes as flashbacks of their final encounter played in his mind.

_"Hey space boy, come here!" Dib called with a wave of his hand. Zim ran over to the creek where he was waiting for him before he point somewhere in the water. "Look."_

_he stood next to Dib, trying to see what he saw but couldn't find it._

_"What are you looking at?" He finally asked. _

_"There's fish! Over here." __He took the Invader's head in his hands and faced him towards the area he was trying to show him. He pointed at it with his finger again and then Zim saw it: there were schools of fish swimming in the current. They almost seemed to dance in the water with their quick, graceful movements and bright colors. "Don't they look nice?"_

_He watched them for a moment longer before answering. "I suppose they do."_

_He let go of Zim and went back to observing the peaceful creatures. Zim wish he could have taken a picture of the boy when he looked at him. Dib's eyes were wide with fascination and a coy smile tugged at his lips. He looked so contempt._

_It was one of the few times they got along. They sat down in the grass side by side, talking and making fun of each other while Gir was off somewhere chasing butterflies. Zim told him about his problems with romance when the topic came up to which Dib repied, "I think I'm in love with you."_

_They both burst into laughter and brushed off the joke but if Zim was being honest with himself, he felt himself fall for Dib just a little._

He dropped his umbrella. He didn't do so much as flinch when the water stung his skin. He welcomed the feeling, wanting a distraction from his own emotions. His tears mingled with the raindrops and he let out a blood-curdling scream. He couldn't bear it any longer. Zim had snapped.

Violent sobs left his throat while his body convulsed with anguish. He shrieked obscenities in both English and Irken at the cold, unforgiving ditch that was Dib's grave. He clawed at his antennas until his clawed hands were soiled with Irken blood. His paroxysm continued until his vocal chords gave out and his body collapsed from exhaustion.

Zim pathetically crawled towards the tomb and curled up next to it, laying his head on the stone that took his love's place. His field of vision turned black and his consciousness slipped away.

and that was the day he learned to hate the word he once identified with.


End file.
